Turning 30

I have been having a bit of a rough time with the idea of turning 30 - which is now only 5 days away. I'm having a hard time even admitting that! Ha! Anyway, I've tried to spend some time reflecting on why the idea of turning 30 has been so difficult. I found the answer(s) were ones that I didn't really like and I don't really like how much those answers make me feel at times. For as long as I can remember one of my biggest dreams for my life was to be a Mommy. I grew up around kids, I babysat all the time and I loved every bit of it. Even on the rough days I learned something from them. Adria has been one of the greatest gifts in my life. I am very lucky to be her aunt and be able to see her every week and be a part of her life. She is the daughter of my brother and best friend and I cannot even begin to explain how special that is. Or how special it is that in 34 days they're having another baby and I get to be an aunt again!! I don't quite understand how I can love another baby like I love Adria but I'm told it will all fall in to place. Anyway, my point being...Kyle and I have been married for 6 years and we aren't any closer to having children than we were 6 years ago. About a year in to our marriage we were trying to start a family, but as luck would have it I have fertility issues. We tried for about 6 or 7 months and it was stressful and hard with all of the doctor appointments, drugs, tests, etc... It just turned out to not be the right time since Kyle got a job in Indy and I stayed in Rochester for another 6 months. Since then I can say with all sincerity that Kyle and I just aren't there. I never in my life dreamed that I would be turning 30 and not have started a family. I'm truly ok with not having kids because I know in my heart that it's not right yet. I hope with all my being that there is a right time. With turning 30 I feel like it's time to reassess where I am in life. Am I happy with my career? Could I be doing more? Should I be doing more? I'm not sure about the answer to that but I do know that I am thankful to have the opportunity to live another year. I could have easily died in the car wreck 2 years ago in July. Easily. I said then that I'm thankful God is doesn't done with me yet and that I still have a purpose to serve. With that in mind I'm going to try to look forward to turning 30 this upcoming week. It means one more year that I have to cherish my family, my friends, my coworkers, my puppies (when they're not eating roadkill) and my husband. One more year to live life to the fullest. One more year to continue to find myself and the road I'm supposed to follow. Alright 30 - let's do this! :)

I'm back!

A year later...

My neck is sooo much better! In the fall I had two permanent nerve blocks done which means they killed 10 nerves in my neck. It was an absolutely awful experience and I'm not sure you could convince me to ever let anyone do it to me again. Since I'm young the likelihood of those nerves growing back is oh 100% so hopefully they grow back nicely and don't cause pain when they're full functional again. I still have my days and my neck feels so weird where they did the procedure because I only have partial feeling back. I'm feeling brave enough to get my first massage since the wreck next week and I'm so super excited about it! More later!