Off to College

Since I wrote last night that I would share some memories about Greg today and throughout the week I've been thinking about some of the best and worst times with Greg and those 7 years of my life in general. I could tell you about when he taught me to drive and I nearly killed all 4 of us in the car, or when we went to washington dc for our first family vacation and I learned more about him because of the tears that he cried at the Vietnam Memorial. Or maybe how he always managed to embarass the hell out of me when I was in high school because he would get up at 11 every night to come out and smoke and never ever had on more than a tshirt and underwear. It was his house afterall, he could do whatever he wanted he said. So trying to make sure friends were either gone or in the basement by or before 11 caused some stressful moments. Anyway, all I can think about is the day I went to college so that is what I want to share with you all.
Picking a school to go to was a tough decision for me, it seemed like everyone from Rochester was going to either Purdue, IU or Ball State and I had no interest in any of them. I visited Purdue and knew that I would just get lost in the shuffle. The only other places I applied were Florida Southern in Lakeland, FL and Hanover in lovely little Hanover, IN. I also figured out pretty quickly that I couldn't move to Florida either and be so far from my home and my family. It was still a tough decision because moving to Lakeland would have meant getting to spend more time with my dad and Nancy. But Rochester is what I knew and where my heart was and so I opted for Hanover. Mom and Greg and I had gone for an overnight visit the summer right before my first semester and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to stay so I was sure that moving in as a freshman would be a snap! Nothing to it. I had already met Brent and Michelle during the time we stayed earlier in the summer and I didn't know it at the time but they both would become two of my closest friends during our years at Hanover. Meeting them also led to meeting several others that are still very important people in my life! We formed a pretty tight group over the years and no matter how hard the 4 years were it was always a good time when we were together. What's the saying, work hard and play harder? I think that could have been our mantra :). Anyway, back to the point. The week leading up to my going to hanover for good things were kinda weird around the house. There was a lot going on, I was stressing about starting this new life at college and making sure I had everything and getting to see everyone that I cared to see from Rochester. You know how it goes. I didn't notice for awhile but Greg basically stopped talking to me and it really started to bug me. So by the day that we went down to Hanover, I was all out pissed. Greg and I had come so far since he and my mom first started dating, well really I was the one that had come far. When they first started dating I didn't want anything to do with him - he was not my dad and no one was going to take that place. It took me several years to realize that I can share that place in my life and my heart without feeling like I was betraying my own dad. So I said something to my mom once we were at Hanover about why he wasn't talking to me and wanted to know if he was mad at someone. And she just said 'Oh Kira, he's upset that you're going to be leaving us.' Well I hadn't really thought about that and then I felt really bad for being mad at him, it was just his way of dealing with me going to college. Greg and I had gotten a lot closer especially my senior year and I felt like my family was finally complete. I had 2 moms and 2 dads by that point and together they all made me feel like my family was perfect. Of course, I still missed my dad and there were times I didn't want anything to do with any of the 4 of them but hey I was in high school, give me a break. So we had putzed around all day at Hanover taking our time unpacking and exploring and when it was time to go I knew that I wasn't going to cry. I had finally found my freedom, because let's be honest, I didn't exactly take many chances in high school. My brother had driven down seperately so he left - which was definitely not a big deal but then it was time for them to go too... Mom and I said our good-byes and she turned to leave and then Greg came to give me a hug and he started crying and just hugged me and told me how much he loved me and how he would miss my laugh and my constant talking. He always called me Gabby sometimes I wondered if he even remembered my name was Kira... haha. There was never another moment in all 7 years that I knew Greg that meant as much to me as that moment did. I felt like he really loved me and accepted me as one of his own - and that meant the world to me. Of course, I didn't know at the time that in only a year and half he would be gone and now where I sit he has been gone for 7 years - just as many years as he was a part of my life. What I cling to though is memories like this one and knowing that the last time I talked to him I got to tell him that I loved him. I can only hope that someday I will get to see him again because Lord Almighty do I have A LOT to tell him! :)
Miss you Greg.

Pity Party

Today has been insanely rough and let me preface this by saying that this week is the anniversary of when my stepdad, Greg, died 7 years ago. Each day of the week has a different memory and brings back different feelings and emotions. So with that said I woke up feeling really good and positive today, I didn't look at today as the tuesday that changed my life 7 years ago, I really didn't. I went to work with energy and ready to give today my all. And you know how when something goes bad and then maybe another thing doesn't go so well and everything just starts running together and it brings everything right back to the surface. That's how my day has been. I saw the orthodontist this morning and I was super excited to go, I love Dr. Hughes, he is one of my favorite people and always makes me feel good even with braces and a puffy face. But I gotta tell ya, it was not fun today. Since I started getting feeling back in my chin last Thursday I could feel quite a bit of what they were doing today - which was a lot. I got a new wire and went back to rubberbands instead of the wireties - which makes me feel less like a metal mouth since I don't have the extra hooks either. This probably doesn't make sense at all to anyone but me, so just bare with me. Anyway, when the wire was off I decided it would be a great time to flooss since I hadn't done so in 6 freakin weeks! However, it was excruciating to do so and I had to give up. Dr. Hughes came over and asked if I was ok, he actually thought I was going to pass out! Awesomeness. Anyway, I survived and went back to work and then had to go to the surgeon a few hours later. So off I go to the surgeon all excited because I get to chew starting tomorrow! WOO HOO. Not total freedom - very soft foods but still that's awesome! Last time I saw Dr. B I was able to open my mouth 24mm and this time he wanted me up to 31mm and I thought for sure I was there. Definitely not, made it to 25 and that was in near tears because of my right jaw joint. Dr. Buttram thought that was a little disappointing so he wanted to check how far I can move my lower jaw from side to side. And wouldn't you know it I can hardly move it either way - only 3mm - he said it should be between 8 and 10... So now I get to see a physical therapist twice a week for 9 weeks to work on my jaw movement. I've never had physical therapy before but I can imagine that it is not going to be a pleasant feeling. Now there are all these problems with my insurance covering it and it just hasn't been a good day. I also have to get some kind of special xray later this week too to see if there is anything worrisome going on... My teeth/jaw now hurt so much that I just want to curl up in a ball. I'm not looking for your pity either, just needed to get it out. But thanks for listening!
Tomorrow is going to be a better day and I've got some memories that I would like to share with you all about my stepdad, Greg. :)

Thursday Thirteen

Happy New Year!! I cannot believe it's already January of 2009! Are you kidding me? I spent alot of time last night reminiscing on what 2008 brought us and wow was it a whirlwind year! We moved to Indy in January, I started a new job, two of my closest friends had babies, Marie got married, we moved to a new home in November... AND I got braces (AGAIN) and had my jaw broken - but really aside from that Kyle and I have been blessed with being healthy! We are looking forward to a lot of great things this year so I thought I'd dedicate my list to that!

13 Things I Look Forward to in 2009!!

1. Getting my braces OFF for good!!
2. Being able to chew food again (February!!)
3. Having a new President!!
4. Losing the final 40-50 lbs to get to my goal weight!
5. Kyle and I will have been married for 3 years in April!
6. Kyle and I will also both be turning 27 this year! Not that turning 27 is fabulous but it's another year of life so why not celebrate?!!!
7. As much as I hate admitting this because it means I'm old - my 5 year reunion at Hanover!
8. All of the laughter that our crazy dogs will bring us
9. The possibility that Kyle and I might MAYBE get to take our first vacation since we got married!
10. My mom is getting married!!
11. Getting to spend more time with friends and family
12. Several of my friends from Geneva Center will be getting married this year!
13. I know this is ridiculous but the new seasons of American Idol and The Biggest Loser

I'm healing!

I went to the surgeon today and he said things are looking great so that is fabulous! I have increased the ability to open my mouth by 6 milimeters so I'm up to 24, however, by next time (15 days) I'm supposed to have it up to 31!! Yipes. On the plus side the next time I see Dr. Buttram he is going to give me the OK to start chewing really soft foods like pasta! Then two weeks after that I should be able to chew anything! What's my first meal going to be you ask?? Papa John's pizza and breadsticks!! Ridiculous, I know, but hey it's good stuff! OH he also cut the amount of time I have to wear the bands WAAY back - so instead of only taking them off for a total of 6 hours a day (three - two hour increments) I will only wear them for 5 hours each day!! Sweet!! I also got to see my x-ray that they took when I was there on the 9th (6 days after surgery). I have 4 screws instead of the 2 I thought I had, and I definitely have a broken jaw! It's broke in 3 places, major breaks! I've never had a broken bone so it was kinda crazy to see the x-ray of it. I had Dr. B explain what all they did and how they did it since I never really asked. He even explained the tool that they use to CUT through the bone. Yuck. I've been doing really good for the most part. Last weekend my brother's puppy bit me pretty hard on my thumb nail which was warrant for a good OWWWWW - which helped me open my mouth wider than I was really ready for. Had a good cry about that and used the rest of my Lortab trying to get over it... Took about a week before I felt better -- it more or less just strained the muscles around my joint more than they were ready for. But all is good now and I still love Maddie!!

I had an excellent Christmas this year! Seemed to be the year of the electronics since we got a new tv, blu-ray dvd player/ps3, camera, gps, tivo subscription...etc. Craziness I tell you. Kyle got me tickets to see our favorite comediain in February here in Indy -- Jeff Dunham. If you've never heard of him go straight to youtube and watch some of his stuff. He's a ventriloquist, which you might think is kinda silly, but it's hilarious!! Anyway, I'm getting tired so I'll leave you with a few pics of the holiday season and you can tell me if you see a difference in my face!

Getting better everyday!

Here is a before picture. I know it's blurry, I took a picture intot he mirror and of course the flash made a nice reflection. But the reason I show it is becaus it is the best picture I have ever seen of myself that shows how off center my jaw is. Keep this one in mind when you look at the after ones!
That being said, I had my jaw surgery on December 3rd - I meant to update this more over the last two weeks but everytime I sat down to do it I'd get sleepy or it wouldn't make sense so I'd delete it. I think that's what pain meds do to you -- always felt pretty damn good though... :) Anyway. I go back to work tomorrow... Boo! But I am actually a little bit excited to be able to put on real clothes and makeup and of course to see my wonderful coworkers! Things have been rough the last two weeks - most especially the first week, but it's getting better!! Here is a picture of the first night..

It was definitely hard - I woke up feeling like it would be ok with me to just die or at least be in a coma for awhile! Mostly because my throat hurt so bad from being intubated. I was absolutely refusing to swallow which worked out for awhile since I had a tube to suck everything out. I tried to talk but that hurt quite a bit at first too so I gave up and just started writing out everything. I remember writing to my mom to get the surgeon and tell him that I take it back and changed my mind. It took them awhile to get the right pain meds for me since the morphine didn't really seem to do much. Regardless, I survived and learned to eat/talk with my mouth rubberbanded shut. I spent the first 5 days at home with mom and then have spent the last week here in Indy with Kyle. When I left the hospital the surgeon kept telling me he couldn't believe how very little swelling and bruising I had. That changed pretty quickly once I got home and wasn't getting the steroids to keep the swelling down. It put a lot of pressure on my face to have it so swollen and I felt like a freak so I tried to stay away from civilization as much as possible! My mom and her boyfriend, Greg, and I watched several movies and just spent a lot of time chillin. It was hard for me to see a difference with all of the swelling even with everyone saying they could already tell. Kyle told me the night of the surgery that he could already see a difference since my chin didn't stick out as far as my nose anymore... God love him (insert angry face). When I came home from being with my mom he asked me if they did anything to my nose during the surgery because it looked different too. I wasn't sure whether I should tell him that it was probably freakin swollen or just punch his lights out. But he said it looked smaller not bigger. haha. So I spared his life. It was definitely a lot harder being at home with Kyle being back at work and having to deal with the dogs. But we managed. I've gotten most of my Christmas shopping done and have even had some time to do a little bit of scrapbooking! I, however, have not managed to find time to clean... Bummer. I got a good report from the surgeon last week when I went in for a follow-up, which was good to know. They took the bands off that kept me shut and now I only have a few that are just restrictive, but I get to take them off 3 times a day for an hour each time so that's nice. It really helps with being able to eat, still can't eat much and still no chewing for another 6 weeks. I've lost about 8 lbs in the last two weeks so I can't really complain about that. Got to get a new pair of jeans this weekend when I was shopping with my mom, I've never been able to wear jeans from this store because they didn't carry them in my size. Now I can, and it was absolutely exhilerating! The only thing that is bothersome anymore is not being able to feel my bottom lip or my chin. I am starting to get some sensation back in both, but very very gradual. It's frustrating and I know it will take months before I get all the feeling back, just weird. Enough talking though, I need to get some sleep so I will just leave you with a few more pictures of my progress over the last 2 weeks!

This is my first day home from the hospital at my mom's house. The ice bags on my shoulders and I were BFF. For some reason after I got up from a nap that evening I was all red and flushed but thankfully didn't have a fever!

The swelling had really started to take over the next day. The round band-aid on my lower cheek is where the stitches are. They had to put the screws in through the outside of my face...

This is about day 4 I think. Still at home in Rochester. And if you can see on my grey shirt I had just spilled water all over myself trying to take a sip. The whole not being able to feel your lips and chin is a bit bothersome at times.

This is the day I got my stitches out and they took the rubberbands off! This is a good shot of the bruising that had started to appear around day 6 and got worse over the next few days. It was on both sides (the yellow part toward the bottom of my face - not around the steristrip).

Also from day 6 when they removed the bands and stitches! FREEDOM!!

In the morning on day 8. My first time wearing makeup in a week! I went to the funeral for a coworker who had died over the weekend... :(

Still day 8 I think, but in the evening. I just liked pictures from this day since I had makeup on, I guess :)

Side shot from the same day. The bruising has gone down tremendously on both sides. The side you're seeing is still pretty swollen but a LOT better than it was before.

This is from day 10 at Kyle's grandparents for Christmas. I wanted to include at least one of me smiling since I haven't taken many of them since it looks so funny right now. But I figured I would humor you with just one.

It's time to go!

Getting ready to head off to the hospital for my surgery this morning! My dad thought it would be nice if I kept this updated with what I'm going through and how things are going so this is my attempt at starting to do that! :) I'll try to take pictures to post so you can watch my facial progress as the swelling goes down. You're just dying to see the swollen face, I know. Anyway, I'm feeling pretty anxious - my stomach says I'm nervous but I keep reminding my stomach that it had 3 pieces of pizza last night and that's why it feels funny. The hubby is pretty sick so he is in bed sleeping right now and my mom and her boyfriend are coming over shortly to take me to the hospital. Hopefully he feels better later and can come visit after the surgery. It still feels pretty weird to be leaving Kyle and the dogs for the next 5 days but I'm sure we'll all manage. Ok I need to finish some last minute package and make sure I have everything I need. Oh on a side note when I went to get my 5 prescriptions last night they asked me if I wanted the keflex flavored (everything has to be liquid) and I was like uhh I don't know. The pharmacist was quick to let me know that this med in liquid form is one of the worst tasting meds they made... AWESOME! Guess what my 3 flavor choices were... orange banana, citrus punch or sour apple. I definitely did not go with the sour apple and opted for the citrus punch. Gag to all of them, what can ya do? haha. Ok back to the task at hand! Check back for updates!
Love to all!

Take a Good Look...

EIGHT DAYS...

Next Wednesday I am going in for my jaw surgery! I met with the surgeon this morning for my pre-op appointment and spent a good deal of time chatting with Dr. Buttrum and the staff. He explained that it was going to be about 3-3 1/2 hours for the procedure which is a little bit longer than typical. He let me know that my case is a little bit more complex because of my joints or something like that. Because of the complexity of it I will also have two board certified surgeons doing the procedure instead of my surgeon and a resident. That's not saying there won't be any residents or interns there because I had to sign a consent form for the possibility that everybody and their brother might be there watch/participating/videotaping... So in one aspect I feel really confident in that knowledge and yet in the other it makes me wonder what the hell is so complex that there will be 2 surgeons instead of one... Why I did not ask them that question is beyond me since I asked everything else I could think of.

Regardless, I'm not really worried about the surgery or the after effects I'm just anxious. I just want it to get here and get it over with so I can stop thinking and dreaming about it 24-7. I have dreams almost every night about it -- some good and some scary. Sometimes in my dreams I get to see what my face might look like when it's all done and some of the dreams my face is horribly deformed. haha. I know it won't be bad but I can't help all the questions that race through my mind. I also feel like I'm super critical to what I see in the mirror right now - but I guess that can't really be helped since the last several moths have been nothing but surgeon and orthodontist appointments who are trained to see all of the flaws and don't mind telling you. For example last month when I had my appt with the surgeon he told me that they could do the surgery on both my upper and lower jaw instead of just the bottom. But he followed that up by reminding me that my ears and eyes aren't exactly symmetrical either so my head would never be perfect. Nice of him eh? He really is a super nice guy, just being honest plus I would not voluntarily elect to do the upper jaw if at all avoidable so I will just live on with my uneven eyes and ears. There go my dreams of being a supermodel... Reminds me of Gessica's wedding when the hairdoer whispered to me when he was done with everyone "don't worry I was able to hide your ears for the most part". This is the man that also told me when he first started doing my hair that he didn't want to put it up because it would make my face look too harsh. Thankfully I can handle the criticism now that I'm older. Geez. Also why I only go to my cousin and mom for my hair, at least I know they're not going to tell me that my face is a disaster and my ears are crooked. haha.

Anyway. Surgery next Wednesday morning at St. Vincent hospital at 11:00am. I will be spending the night and they hope to have me on my way home Thursday afternoon. I will be going home to Rochester with my mom where I will stay until she brings me back to Indy on Monday so I can have the bands taken off on Tuesday! It was really tough to decide where to go after the surgery but I know that I will be able to rest better at home with her. She has been pushing for that all along because of the dogs and I know she's right but it's still hard to be away from Kyle and the dogs for that long. But then when I get back I'll have the next week and half here with them before going back to work. So it all works out in the end. They gave me all of my prescriptions today for after the surgery and some syringes so I could start getting used to "eating" that way. By "eating" I mean for the first week while my mouth is completely rubberbanded shut I will only be able to get nourishment from what I can put through that syringe! :) You're totally jealous, right?? I have been instructed to drink eight - eight ounce glasses of liquid everyday -- more if I can handle it. Three of those drinks have to be high protein and I'm supposed to get as many calories as possible. I told my mom to just stock up on ice cream and milk so I can have shakes all day long! So then after they take the bands off on the 9th I can start a few more solid foods - but still no chewing. Absolutely no chewing for two months they say. I will be living on applesauce, mashed potatoes, cottage cheese and of course, ice cream! :) Ok and maybe some soup. Well technically I can really have anything that I want as long as it can be blended up and made into a shake! Meatloaf shake anyone? MMmmm! A lady at work today tried to pawn off some frozen baby food - peas. Seriously, if I'm going to eat baby food it will sure as heck not be peas. Thank you very much for the thought though.

I should really shut up and get to bed so I can get up and go to work in the morning. Have I ever mentioned that I don't like the cold? In case I have not, I do not. Now I have to take the dogs out for their last potty and freeze my tail off some more.

Anyone want to get paid to take them out everyday thru the winter?

Just so you will always remember - here is a picture of my face - the last time you will ever see it this way!